I DID IT AGAIN. Sorry. I can't believe it's been a whole month since I have posted anything. I'm not sure why that is. I guess life happened. I have been scrambling here and there for what feels like forever (really just 2 weeks).
So, now I have a minute to breathe and reflect. I have been up and down mood wise (no surprise there), but it feels different now for some reason. I think it's a combination of things. For one, I am practicing what I talk about. And guess what? It works for me, too! I am not so different after all. I am learning how to balance exercise with normal eating (you know, letting my body tell me when I'm full or hungry). I recognize that, while in the past, over-exercising was an issue, I have the tools now to walk myself through those thoughts and change my behavior. It's scary. It makes me mad sometimes. Sometimes I want to do things the easy way and not have to be aware so much. And yet, here I am. Eating normally, with no conditions. Here I am, exercising when I feel like it and having fun, NOT because I feel like I have to compensate. I am also noticing my thoughts and focusing on the ones that made me feel GOOD. I've noticed that the more I think about the thoughts that make me feel good, the more natural and consistent these thoughts become. And when that happens, soon it starts becoming part of what I know and believe about myself. And let me tell you something. I absolutely LOVE feeling good about myself. And you know what? I have every right to have those feelings! Now, I am not saying that I am perfect or invincible or above anyone else. I just really like feeling good about myself. You should too. With every negative thought you have about yourself, there is the exact opposite thought, too. I am shifting my focus from the negative thoughts and focusing on the positive- what is here and now. I'm going to continue doing and thinking things that make me feel that deep, satisfying joy of living life. I'll let you know how it goes.
Showing posts with label coping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coping. Show all posts
Friday, March 6, 2015
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Warning: This post contains no earth-shattering epiphanies. Only garden shenanigans.
So, it's happened. Again. I have struggled to post a blog this because in my mind, nothing of importance happened this week. Nor did I have any mind blowing epiphanies to share. So, unfortunately dear reader, this blog will not contain any of the above.
I struggle with the up keep of things in the realm of blogging. If I dig deeper, I've discovered that in reality, I am afraid to share my vulnerabilities with others. So, I'm pulling on my big girl panties and sharing.
I was recently put on a new medication for my depression. (Another thing to add to my daily pill regimen). I'm not sure if I like it. And I know it's most likely to soon to tell whether it will work or not, but it puts me on edge. The last couple days have been better, but before that my mind was rather racy (and not in the way you're thinking, get your out of the gutter!). I literally got a headache from the racetrack going on up there. On the bright side, I made it through it and now it's just more of a normal, mom rushing around to get the zillion house chores done sort of speed. Another plus is I started a garden. (Some of your eyes might be glazing over at the sight of boring garden talk, but hang on, I'll explain). For so many years I too, rolled my eyes at the sound of other adults yakking about garden shenanigans. Now, after the years of chaos and destruction that I've lived, a garden sounds nice. It's tangible. When I'm angry, anxious, scared, I can always go picks weeds. And I get rewarded! It's a win-win for all. I'm being productive. It's a nice replacement from the drinking, drugs, and starving myself. So, yes, it's just a garden. But for me, HOORAY, I'm planting a GARDEN! Because all the things normal, responsible adults do seem foreign to me. I have to walk myself through the steps it takes to just being an adult in my head every day. Because, it was second nature for me to say screw it to life and go numb out. So I will tend to my garden. And breathe in that deep earthy smell that radiates from the dirt. And smile. Because I have a garden.
I struggle with the up keep of things in the realm of blogging. If I dig deeper, I've discovered that in reality, I am afraid to share my vulnerabilities with others. So, I'm pulling on my big girl panties and sharing.
I was recently put on a new medication for my depression. (Another thing to add to my daily pill regimen). I'm not sure if I like it. And I know it's most likely to soon to tell whether it will work or not, but it puts me on edge. The last couple days have been better, but before that my mind was rather racy (and not in the way you're thinking, get your out of the gutter!). I literally got a headache from the racetrack going on up there. On the bright side, I made it through it and now it's just more of a normal, mom rushing around to get the zillion house chores done sort of speed. Another plus is I started a garden. (Some of your eyes might be glazing over at the sight of boring garden talk, but hang on, I'll explain). For so many years I too, rolled my eyes at the sound of other adults yakking about garden shenanigans. Now, after the years of chaos and destruction that I've lived, a garden sounds nice. It's tangible. When I'm angry, anxious, scared, I can always go picks weeds. And I get rewarded! It's a win-win for all. I'm being productive. It's a nice replacement from the drinking, drugs, and starving myself. So, yes, it's just a garden. But for me, HOORAY, I'm planting a GARDEN! Because all the things normal, responsible adults do seem foreign to me. I have to walk myself through the steps it takes to just being an adult in my head every day. Because, it was second nature for me to say screw it to life and go numb out. So I will tend to my garden. And breathe in that deep earthy smell that radiates from the dirt. And smile. Because I have a garden.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)