These boots (well, more like super cute flats) are made for walkin'...

When I look back on my past, I am so grateful that today I can live a life joyous and free. No longer do my addictions dominate my every waking thought. No longer do I hate my life, myself, and the whole darn world. One of the greatest joys for me now is the ability to give back to those who still struggle with addiction, self-harm, and low self esteem. Because, I get it. I recall nights spent in front of the mirror, hating the person that stared back at me. The all encompassing rage towards myself no longer looms over me, threatening to consume me whole.

The journey hasn't been easy. In fact, a lot of the time I have felt confused and uncomfortable. Until now I have never learned what it meant to be healthy both towards myself and others. My relationships were constant chaos and intense emotional outbursts. For a long time, my eating disorder stole my ability to feel emotions. I still am learning how to feel in a healthy way. Life has given me many opportunities to practice. And for me, that is the only way I have been able to learn what works for me and what doesn't.

Life has taken on a whole new meaning. First, I had to learn to stop taking everything so damn seriously. When I finally cleaned the fog off my lenses, I could see that life can be pretty comical. (Especially with kids involved). It's kind of embarrassing to admit this, but there was a time when I really thought horrible things would happen if I didn't vacuum the carpet everyday. I've realized on a deeper level what the saying "living life on life's terms" means to me. My journey isn't perfect, nor will it ever be. But it's all good opportunities for me to practice growing up and growing inwards.

Whew. Now that THAT'S all over..

I'm baaaaack! Thanks for waiting patiently for me. (If you were anxiously awaiting a new post, my sincere apologies). As you may or may not know, I officially tied the knot! Many people have asked ,"how does it feel?" I guess it doesn't feel any different.. the love we share is still there and burning brightly, if that's what they mean. The wedding was perfect. Not that it didn't have small glitches along the way, but overall it was just the way I had imagined. The sun shone, the music was beautiful, and best of all, I got to marry my best friend.

As I settle back down after all the excitement, I've been turning to meditation to center myself. I have never been able to really get into it in the past. But I had an amazing experience the other day. As I was laying down (for some reason I lay down to meditate) and focusing on my breath, I had this odd feeling. It was like I was sleeping, yet I could still hear the noise of the present world in the background.  I ceased to feel the the separateness of my body and the ground beneath me. It was as if I melted into everything. It was a beautiful feeling. I felt connected. That particular time was the longest I ever have been able to ignore my thoughts and outside stimuli. Since that experience, I have only been able to get glimpses of that bliss. For that's how it felt. There was no judgement, good or bad, only pure love.

Afterwards, I felt a deep calm wash over me, down to the tips of my toes. I'm guessing that my inner being is telling me mediation is probably something I should continue to practice. And, well, I guess it can't hurt. So I invite you to join me on a journey of practicing meditation. I'd love to hear your experiences. Successes and failures, share it all!