I am not God.... right?

It's so easy for me to get caught in every day life. It's even easier to forget all of the good things that I DO have. Being an addict, it's second nature for me to be self-centered. And while becoming a mother has helped with this tremendously, I still struggle with it now and then. Here are some things I have found that don't work:
-Staying in my self pity. The longer I'm in it, the harder it gets to pull myself out. Before I know it, I have made myself a nice, cozy bed and have no plans of getting out of said bed. I start shutting others out claiming, "they just don't understand me".  Unless they are bringing me a blueberry muffin. Blueberry muffins are good.
-Trying to control others and getting them to do what I want. Other people are their own entities. I have no right to manipulate or force them to do what I want. Even if I think it's what is best for them. A lot of time my motives are good ones, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still manipulating. I have to trust that their God/Higher Power has their back. I also have to trust that there is a God, and it's NOT ME.
-Justifying behaviors and thoughts. Whenever I find the need to justify something, usually that's a good clue for me to stop and take an honest look at whatever it is I'm trying to justify. Justifying leads to compromising my spirituality, and that is like balancing on the ledge of a super high building with strong winds starting to blow.

"So what then, does actually work," you may be thinking. It has taken me time and a lot of trial and error, but here are a few things I have found that helps be less self-centered:
-Helping others that I know are in some sort of need. This is good for putting my problems into perspective. It also gets me out of my head, simply because I am too busy to be thinking about me. Helping others is also good for making me feel less alone. Knowing some one else has life struggles and getting to help them with theirs lets me know that whatever I'm going through probably isn't that uncommon (and that I'm not completely insane).
-Reading positive messages daily. Whether it be from a daily meditation book or short quotes,  giving myself affirmations and ways to continue my day with love and tolerance lets me be open minded to all that my Higher Power has in store for me.
-Attitude of gratitude. When I am continually reminding myself of all that I do have, instead of focusing on what I don't. I feel better about myself and am less likely to hold resentments against others. It also keeps in contact with my HP. Talking with my Higher Power daily is crucial for me to not get caught up in selfishness and controlling behavior. I remember to accept whatever happens that day, knowing that I am not alone on this journey and that no matter how hard I tried, things are gonna happen the way they are gonna happen.
A wise woman once asked me "do you want to be right, or do you want to be free?". This struck home with me. It is a reminder that I can choose to let things go, freeing me from all that is blocking me from my spirituality.

These boots (well, more like super cute flats) are made for walkin'...

When I look back on my past, I am so grateful that today I can live a life joyous and free. No longer do my addictions dominate my every waking thought. No longer do I hate my life, myself, and the whole darn world. One of the greatest joys for me now is the ability to give back to those who still struggle with addiction, self-harm, and low self esteem. Because, I get it. I recall nights spent in front of the mirror, hating the person that stared back at me. The all encompassing rage towards myself no longer looms over me, threatening to consume me whole.

The journey hasn't been easy. In fact, a lot of the time I have felt confused and uncomfortable. Until now I have never learned what it meant to be healthy both towards myself and others. My relationships were constant chaos and intense emotional outbursts. For a long time, my eating disorder stole my ability to feel emotions. I still am learning how to feel in a healthy way. Life has given me many opportunities to practice. And for me, that is the only way I have been able to learn what works for me and what doesn't.

Life has taken on a whole new meaning. First, I had to learn to stop taking everything so damn seriously. When I finally cleaned the fog off my lenses, I could see that life can be pretty comical. (Especially with kids involved). It's kind of embarrassing to admit this, but there was a time when I really thought horrible things would happen if I didn't vacuum the carpet everyday. I've realized on a deeper level what the saying "living life on life's terms" means to me. My journey isn't perfect, nor will it ever be. But it's all good opportunities for me to practice growing up and growing inwards.