The Joy of Living Life!

I DID IT AGAIN. Sorry. I can't believe it's been a whole month since I have posted anything. I'm not sure why that is. I guess life happened. I have been scrambling here and there for what feels like forever (really just 2 weeks).
So, now I have a minute to breathe and reflect. I have been up and down mood wise (no surprise there), but it feels different now for some reason. I think it's a combination of things. For one, I am practicing what I talk about. And guess what? It works for me, too! I am not so different after all. I am learning how to balance exercise with normal eating (you know, letting my body tell me when I'm full or hungry). I recognize that, while in the past, over-exercising was an issue, I have the tools now to walk myself through those thoughts and change my behavior. It's scary. It makes me mad sometimes. Sometimes I want to do things the easy way and not have to be aware so much. And yet, here I am. Eating normally, with no conditions. Here I am, exercising when I feel like it and having fun, NOT because I feel like I have to compensate. I am also noticing my thoughts and focusing on the ones that made me feel GOOD. I've noticed that the more I think about the thoughts that make me feel good, the more natural and consistent these thoughts become. And when that happens, soon it starts becoming part of what I know and believe about myself. And let me tell you something. I absolutely LOVE feeling good about myself. And you know what? I have every right to have those feelings! Now, I am not saying that I am perfect or invincible or above anyone else. I just really like feeling good about myself. You should too. With every negative thought you have about yourself, there is the exact opposite thought, too. I am shifting my focus from the negative thoughts and focusing on the positive- what is here and now. I'm going to continue doing and thinking things that make me feel that deep, satisfying joy of living life. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm forcing myself to do this.

So, I ran into a fellow writer at the grocery store today. As we were chatting, I found myself encouraging her to push herself to set goals each week to get her work out to the public. But then I realized how hypocritical I was actually being. I haven't blogged or done any sort of creative writing in years. Hence, this blog. To you, the reader, I will warn you right from the start. There will be cursing, and most likely I will talk about issues that may be touchy to some. Like addiction, depression, eating disorders, and spirituality. But this is my blog, my journey, my perspective. If you can't respect that, reconsider why you are reading this is the first place.

Still here? Good. I like you. Can we have coffee sometime? As you may or may not know, I am a relatively young mother. It was a blessing is a very, very thorough disguise. I sometimes still question it. I do stay at home full time with my daughter. But, like the title of my blog states, it's not that simple. Between a dog, fiance, and daughter, I am struggling to find the time, energy, and resources (aka money) to figure out what exactly it is I want to do for me. Like, career-wise. Part of me feels guilty for even wanting something outside my home life to find fulfillment. Part of me doubts I'm talented enough to even achieve anything. And part of me is too tired to think beyond today's list of to-do's. Then there is a teensy sliver of me (the one that forced me to start this blog) that cheers me on. I call this part of me my intuition or inner self. It's hard not to listen my sad me's. They've been with me for so long, it's second nature to believe what I hear them say. But, I am slowly learning to distinguish my inner self from their lies. But it really isn't simple.

By the way, tears are allowed here. And so are hugs, love, confusion, whatever you are going through, it's allowed here, judgement free. You're welcome. Because, I get it. Life isn't ever simple.