It's a baggy sweats, pail of sherbert, and "orange is the new black" tv series kind of day.

Why, you may be wondering. Well , let me dump my crap on you, so I feel better, and you can feel worse. It's the only way, dear reader. At least then I know that I'm feeling a little better and I'm not alone in feeling crappy.
This past week i have been really struggling (and I don't use the word struggling lightly) with eating disorder thoughts. I have managed not to act on those thoughts, but it has been hard. My body is in recovery mode. And as I gain weight, the thoughts get worse and the battle gets bloodier. I know logically that this is normal. But it doesn't make it any easier. So, we have a bloody battle. On top of that, I started seeing a new therapist, got put a a new medication and taken off the old one. So, we have bloody battle plus raging emotions (which makes me exhausted).
And then yesterday, my grandpa passed away. The past few years I haven't seen my grandpa as much as I would have liked, but lately I have been thinking about him and all he has been through. I am so sad that he won't get to be at my wedding, and to see my kids grow up, not even a little bit. I am grateful, however, that he at least got to meet Fiona. I am grateful that he no longer is in pain and is in a better place. But death is such a bittersweet thing, no matter what stage of life the person was at. So, bloody battle plus already raging emotions plus family death, equals one broken down, curled up on the couch and tired to the bone, gal.
That is all, dearest reader. I have no witty insight, no humor left in me at the moment. Life goes on... at least the couch is here and I have sherbet.

Shine on and ignore normal.

I've been wondering what it means to be considered "normal". Do any of you dear readers know? I don't. I don't believe in normal. I think it's a myth that everyone tries so hard to obtain, but it always seems juuuust out of reach. In high school I really wanted to fit in and be considered "normal". It took a lot of mistakes made and an emotional roller coaster (plus time) for me to start to realize that there is no such thing as normal. There are millions of people walking around this earth, each individually experiencing life differently as it flows by. It's like taking one piece of a puzzle and expecting the rest of the pieces to fit in that one piece. It's freeing, no longer worrying about doing only whats normal. 
The strive for normalcy is an easy trap to fall into, though. It's easier to do what everyone else is doing rather than stopping for a minute and taking a truly unbiased look around. It's hard because it means being vulnerable to ourselves and others.(Y'all know how i feel being vulnerable, right? Gah). Now, I want to clarify. Don't buck the system just to buck the system. I'm referring to not being afraid to let the inner self shine through, dazzling the world with your rays of joy and abundance. To do what ever it is you truly enjoy doing; that thing that gets you up in the morning and puts an ear-to-ear grin on your face when you think about it. I don't need to apologize for the fact that I'm pretty not-normal. My experiences have taught me that something I thought very important today, I'll have forgotten about tomorrow.So, forget the piddly stuff. (Nay-sayers qualify as piddly stuff). Wanna be a farmer? Awesome. Embrace the earth we depend on. Wanna be a painter? Grab a canvas and tell me your life story. Wanna be a stay at home mom/writer/yoga enthusiast? Hey, me too! What ever is your passion, embrace it. Big or small, they are equally important. Don't let a case of the normies get ya down!