I am not God.... right?

It's so easy for me to get caught in every day life. It's even easier to forget all of the good things that I DO have. Being an addict, it's second nature for me to be self-centered. And while becoming a mother has helped with this tremendously, I still struggle with it now and then. Here are some things I have found that don't work:
-Staying in my self pity. The longer I'm in it, the harder it gets to pull myself out. Before I know it, I have made myself a nice, cozy bed and have no plans of getting out of said bed. I start shutting others out claiming, "they just don't understand me".  Unless they are bringing me a blueberry muffin. Blueberry muffins are good.
-Trying to control others and getting them to do what I want. Other people are their own entities. I have no right to manipulate or force them to do what I want. Even if I think it's what is best for them. A lot of time my motives are good ones, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still manipulating. I have to trust that their God/Higher Power has their back. I also have to trust that there is a God, and it's NOT ME.
-Justifying behaviors and thoughts. Whenever I find the need to justify something, usually that's a good clue for me to stop and take an honest look at whatever it is I'm trying to justify. Justifying leads to compromising my spirituality, and that is like balancing on the ledge of a super high building with strong winds starting to blow.

"So what then, does actually work," you may be thinking. It has taken me time and a lot of trial and error, but here are a few things I have found that helps be less self-centered:
-Helping others that I know are in some sort of need. This is good for putting my problems into perspective. It also gets me out of my head, simply because I am too busy to be thinking about me. Helping others is also good for making me feel less alone. Knowing some one else has life struggles and getting to help them with theirs lets me know that whatever I'm going through probably isn't that uncommon (and that I'm not completely insane).
-Reading positive messages daily. Whether it be from a daily meditation book or short quotes,  giving myself affirmations and ways to continue my day with love and tolerance lets me be open minded to all that my Higher Power has in store for me.
-Attitude of gratitude. When I am continually reminding myself of all that I do have, instead of focusing on what I don't. I feel better about myself and am less likely to hold resentments against others. It also keeps in contact with my HP. Talking with my Higher Power daily is crucial for me to not get caught up in selfishness and controlling behavior. I remember to accept whatever happens that day, knowing that I am not alone on this journey and that no matter how hard I tried, things are gonna happen the way they are gonna happen.
A wise woman once asked me "do you want to be right, or do you want to be free?". This struck home with me. It is a reminder that I can choose to let things go, freeing me from all that is blocking me from my spirituality.

It's a baggy sweats, pail of sherbert, and "orange is the new black" tv series kind of day.

Why, you may be wondering. Well , let me dump my crap on you, so I feel better, and you can feel worse. It's the only way, dear reader. At least then I know that I'm feeling a little better and I'm not alone in feeling crappy.
This past week i have been really struggling (and I don't use the word struggling lightly) with eating disorder thoughts. I have managed not to act on those thoughts, but it has been hard. My body is in recovery mode. And as I gain weight, the thoughts get worse and the battle gets bloodier. I know logically that this is normal. But it doesn't make it any easier. So, we have a bloody battle. On top of that, I started seeing a new therapist, got put a a new medication and taken off the old one. So, we have bloody battle plus raging emotions (which makes me exhausted).
And then yesterday, my grandpa passed away. The past few years I haven't seen my grandpa as much as I would have liked, but lately I have been thinking about him and all he has been through. I am so sad that he won't get to be at my wedding, and to see my kids grow up, not even a little bit. I am grateful, however, that he at least got to meet Fiona. I am grateful that he no longer is in pain and is in a better place. But death is such a bittersweet thing, no matter what stage of life the person was at. So, bloody battle plus already raging emotions plus family death, equals one broken down, curled up on the couch and tired to the bone, gal.
That is all, dearest reader. I have no witty insight, no humor left in me at the moment. Life goes on... at least the couch is here and I have sherbet.